If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
