My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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