Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
