So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
are you so shy because you have an std?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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