dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
