Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
