He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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