I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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