Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
