Are we in a gay sports bar?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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