Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
