3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
