I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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