im drinking this country out of the recession.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize