im about as happy as oj after his trial
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
