I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
