seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
