Small penises have feelings too.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
