so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My vagina is officially offended.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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