Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
