how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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