....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
