He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
