me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it glows. i had to have it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
