i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
