i would punch a child for taco bell
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
