Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
