I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize