Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
