u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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