They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
that may or may not have been my penis.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
