Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
