yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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