Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
