Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
