I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
