i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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