Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
