and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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