i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
