party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
