The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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