You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
