When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
