I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
