She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
