WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
