Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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