how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
