I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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