Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you had me at cake vodka
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
