got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
