You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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