was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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