why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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