I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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