If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
