Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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