Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
