Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
