That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
