So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You can't motorboat a personality
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
