A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
