I feel like abortions should bother me more
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
