Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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