For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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