Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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