Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
